Pyar ka side effects – vol.2

“I can never understand women,” our common man finally came to the conclusion…  “why do they have to say something, while they mean something diametrically opposite?” Ok, may not be exactly opposite (for all those friends of mine, with extremely logical minds and exceptional intellect) , but lets then call it ‘different” for the sake of such people..

For example, when a woman says. “I’m shy,” or, “I don’t know, you are embarrassing me”.. is she meaning what she is saying, literally?  Or there is something hidden and unsaid that one needs to decipher – like : "I cant say that I love you because I am too stubborn, but the fact is that I want you to take me in your arms and  make me feel wanted and needed, and shower me with all your love, because I too, want you"… but Is it perhaps because such women actually find it difficult to say things that concern the heart? Is it because they have grown up like boys, preferring ball game over barbies? Is it because they have been always ‘told’ to take responsibilities, be a ‘support’? Is it too ‘girlish’ for them to utter those 3 magic words, that they are too strong for such softies?? Or, is it that they are afraid to make commitments, as experience have taught them that commitments are meant to be broken, causing extreme pain..

Again on the other hand, it can also be so that the lady actually means what she is saying – that she is indeed shy and feeling embarrassed (since no one has ever told her the way this man is saying now) but, how does our man differentiate between the apparent and the sublime?

There is this other person who would not open her mind and say anything, and all the while leave the man guessing… perhaps she does this because, in her life, the man is of least significance.. she has more important and urgent matters to focus at, matters concerning her life, her career, her likes and dislikes, her child’s future, so on and so forth… she plays multiple roles, a single parent bringing up a girl child, she herself acting as a single child of her widow mother, the sole bread earner, young enough to attract attention of lewd men around, in an alien land, daily struggle for existence...where does our common man fit into this maze? He doesn’t, because he is entangled in his own myriad world, from where there is no escape for him, however hard he yearns to break free.. yet his heart reaches out to her, and breaks into pieces when there is no response…

Human behavior is intense and difficult to understand… the mind is a bundle of emotions and rationality, and which one takes precedence over the other at what point of time, is anyone’s guess.. actually, when the heart yearns, the head shrieks in protest, getting into a conflict situation…and people like our poor common man gets confused… he doesn’t understand whether to approach, or stay away ..

Ladies, do you understand what difficulties you are creating for our man? As it is, he is a confused Libran, and such situations make him go really haywire… his balance goes oscillating.. have mercy on the poor soul, if you can !!

Feelings..9.. Power...

Diwali !!

The festival of the lamps.. lights, illumination, crackers, sweets, gifts and the general hustle and bustle all around.. people busy purchasing gifts for their loved ones and ferrying them across to reach them.. sons and daughters returning home on vacation to be with family.. friends and relatives getting together to unwind and catch up … there was an air of festivity all around..

Diwali symbolizes the victory Ram over Ravana .. victory of good over evil, holy power dominating over evil power, of right over wrong.. the common man, as usual, spend the whole weekend thinking, while the world around him were having a blast.. 

What is ‘power’? How does one define ‘power’? is it same as ‘authority’, or different? Our man heard over the media that the ‘most powerful’ person in the world was visiting his country over the weekend, and he was curious to know how this person looked like.. to his dismay he found a black, sharp featured common-ish looking person shaking hands with the bigwigs of the country, and the media going ga-ga over him and his even-more plain looking black wife.. “is this the most powerful man? Doesn’t look like,” he mused…..

Is knowledge ‘power’? do we call a knowledgeable person ‘powerful’?   Does possessing information about someone make one more powerful than the other person??

Does love make someone weak or strong? Now this is a tricky one.. our common man loves someone, but the thought doesn’t make him strong.. rather, he goes weak when he thinks about his lady love … his knees kind of turn jelly-ish and there’s lump in his throat… on the contrary, his lady love probably gains in strength with the knowledge that the poor bloke is all over the place in his love for her, and therefore she can take him for granted cpmpletely (??)..

We often tend to think that those who are economically stronger, or politically more connected in society, or holding important positions in the government or ministry, are the most powerful.. “No wonder the 1^st citizen of USA is so powerful”, the common man thought… but, that power is only short-lived.. the moment out dear Prez is out of office, he is no more the “most powerful”.. someone else takes over..  look at what happened in US recently – in the recent polls, the Republicans have already completely white-washed Prez Obama, who is just about 2 years in office, already making his comeback a bleak prospect.

That brings us back to square one, i.e., how does one define ‘power’? is it the ability to influence the thought and action of others, or a community, or a country, or maybe the whole world??

The possibilities seem unending..

Feelings..8.. Transition...

Everyone has a reason to write.. for me, as I was telling someone very special to me, writing is a vent- out of my emotions… it helps me to stabilize when under emotional stress.. and I write, perhaps, when I am most stressed …. I am happy to have a small audience that reads my postings now and then… after all, why write at all if its not read, appreciated, or criticized, or just dumped as “utter nonsense”?

The latest is my friend, Mac (obviously not his real name.. and anyways, who cares? A name is a name, is a name, after all), who prefers to call himself “Hues of Life” … J isn’t the name very poetic? Well, Mac himself is very poetic, an ardent blogger like me and weaves poetry and dreams around with his words… now he, being a poet, differs to call me a “common man”.. he thinks I’m special, very special.. well well, Mac buddy, thanks a ton for such a face-lift for the poor old (or, middle aged?) common man…. It sure is a compliment… (Hey everyone, just to keep the records straight, we are not playing here the Dostana roles, me and Mac, OK? )J we are just buddies in this virtual world, willing to help each other in their common interest of writing and blogging..

Anyways, this Mac guy has been advising that I change my image from being “a common man” to “a special man”… now, what does that take?? The common man is mighty confused (what’s new in that? He’s always in a state of confusion, our man)..

But, what are the traits of a special person? Who would someone call “a special person”? Would one call Abdul Kalam or Tagore a special person? Or, even more pertinent, does one necessarily have to be a celebrity to be someone ‘special”? What are the criteria?

What perhaps sets the icons apart from our common men are, perhaps, a dream and conviction to fructify it.. so it calls for raw courage to see the dream materialize.. we all have dreams, but how many of us have the conviction in it and the courage to see it through?

But of course, Mac was not referring to all this… like all poets, he was referring to romanticism of life and the joy and happiness surrounding it… now that is all very well, but romanticism cannot lose touch with reality.. and that’s where our common man’s perspective of looking at life in general and society in particular, differs from poet Mac.. life is not all bed of roses, not always.. and besides, roses have thorns too..

Does our common man stink of morbidity?? Does he always look at life, with all its ‘hues’, through the lenses of cynicism?

When I asked the common man what he thinks about the issue, he tried to answer honestly by saying that his perspectives are his own emotions, sentiments, beliefs etc all of which gets molded/impacted every day by the external stimuli called environment….. the environment throws challenges (psychological as well as physiological) at him every day, and he tries to cope up with the same… at times he cannot remain rational too (particularly when there are issues pertaining to his lady love), he gets emotionally upset and personal..

That seems to be a fair way of looking at things..  so long as our common man operates from the adult state of “I’m OK, you ‘re OK”, things are fine… I leave it to the reader to decide whether our common man needs a face-lift ..   

Feelings..7.. Happiness

We are all human beings… rather, we are homo sapiens, “the wise man”… so the common man is also a homo sapien, Q.E.D. (what a joke!! he, a wise man???) and a wise man is supposed to be a thinker, right? So our common, “wise” man was thinking… he was thinking what he overheard two persons talking in the crowded Metro the other day – one was strongly advocating the intrinsic benefits of a 3G handset over other, normal hand-held sets and the sheer pleasure of owning and using one, while the other listened intently..

We, as a race, are quite pleasure seeking… and we have so many things that give us pleasure these days – good food and drinks, so many channels on the TV, fashionable clothes, swanky cars, nice fragrances, new models of FMCG products, wonderful looking people of both sexes, some words of appreciation from someone whom we value… all of these are there to please our senses..  Yet, when it comes to the matter of being happy, we are not happy…

Sometime back, our man was reading a book titled “The road less travelled” and came across an interesting concept of gratification, instant as well as delayed..And this is where, perhaps, pleasure differs from happiness…

All those lovely things around us described above, is to give us pleasure.. mostly, immediate pleasure or instant gratification. We crave for happiness and, in its pursuit, end up seeking pleasure.. the source of such pleasures are always external to us – i.e. our environment, which has a huge impact on our state of mind and, as we seek more and more pleasure, we tend to become more and more dependent on our environment, our immediate surroundings, our circles of influence… and before long, happiness is equated with pleasure, sensory or otherwise..

Delayed gratification, on the other hand, is something which is more internal.. it evokes a deep sense of satisfaction when achieved, spreads a warm feeling from inside.. “its not easy to search for gratification within,” our man mused… but then people say that its not difficult either.. here, we don’t seek immediate pleasure, but the pleasure comes after some time has elapsed and therefore, has a more long lasting effect …

Does the reader also feel that, delving into one’s own self is a difficult proposition?? Are we losing touch with ourselves in our daily struggle to seek instant gratifications, like love, sex, appreciation etc? Are we picking up glass pieces thinking them to be diamonds, while the precious stone actually lies elsewhere, deep within us? Have we lost our soul?

What are we? What am I ??? Do we ever stop, ponder, try to seek an answer??? Or leave it to the tide, as it flows.. “chalta hai”….

Feelings...6 .. Parenthood..

Our common man has a very inquisitive mind.. something or the other always seems to float thru his restless brains and he isn’t at peace till he finds a plausible answer to them..

The latest to haunt him is a subject called ‘parenthood’, or more specifically, ‘fatherhood’… did I mention that our man is married with a girl child? Now, it’s of course a different subject that he is not close to his family and that there seems to be a Chinese wall built between him and the mother-daughter duo.. but the fact is, he feels emotionally disturbed about being not-such-a-good father, after all..

But, can someone please help me in making him understand that he is not the first bad-father in this world, and certainly not going to be the last one!  In fact, if we look around us, there are enough and more examples of fathers who have been absolutely disastrous  in their parental roles !

Who better can be an example than Gandhiji himself?? Popularly known as the “father of the nation”, he has been a complete stranger to his 1^st born, Harilal Gandhi (who later on became an alcoholic, embraced Islam to provoke his father, again converted back to Hinduism, before finally dying penniless and an alcoholic)… imagine his son saying that he wished M K Gandhi was not his father !!

Or, maybe Nelson Mandela… completely distanced from his first daughter, who was only a child when he went to prison, and a mother herself when he was released… but Nelson and Mack could never come close, and Mack accepted him “the way he is.. distant and aloof”, and made peace with this knowledge..

The point is, even our national (and international) heros have their own achiness’s heels… so, why cant our common man? Can he not take solace from such learnings? Maybe not, because, at the end of the day, its his own flesh and blood that is severed away from him, and it hurts !!

Reasoning cannot rise above emotions, not at least for common mortals…

Thru the lenses of a common man ..3

The common man is perplexed… What is stronger – muscle power or mind power?

As a meek commoner, he always thought that the former is.. He has always been scared of physical violence (he had a violent childhood, you see and the shrink he used to see, told him that the fear of being physically abused has been deeply embedded in his sub-conscious !) Anyways, but there is this equation that he cannot solve..

Remember the failed terrorist attack on the Parilament a few years ago??  The government of India put it squarely on terrorist outfits like LeT who enjoyed direct patronage of our neighboring country’s militia and state. Pakistan, as predicted, denied strongly (well, what better can you expect from them gutless, spineless creeps??)

The Indian government, in a show of power, moved thousands of troops to the borders… Pak did likewise, and the military build-up across the western border threatened both the countries with an imminent war.. but while India fretted and howled, Pak did not bat an eyelid !!!                                                                                      With passage of time, the buildup remained a status quo, and the media, too, lost interest as more pressing news at home took precedence.

But the 26/11 changed the complexion completely… the world waited with baited breadth that India would retaliate with all its muscle power, and Pakistan did anticipate a strong military lash-back and hurriedly started making frantic preparations…

But strangely, nothing happened!! Not a single soldier moved, not a single leaf stirred… there was no show of strength, no threat of war.. but the Indian PM and his senior ministerial colleagues came down heavily on Pak at every international platform and confronted them with facts about their government machinery’s (aka ISI) involvement … irrefutable !! Pak, as anticipated, squimed and struggled when tightly cornered, but finally admitted that yes, there were involvements of LeT & ISI and promised the international community that they will take suitable action against the guilty..

Our common man was mighty impressed… Without batting an eyelid, India had managed to achieve what it could not since independence, that is, to bring Pak to its knees before an international audience… the credibility of India as the largest democracy went up many-folds..

Hats off, Dr. Manmohan Singh, and your band of colleagues…  Jai Ho !!

Thru the lenses of a Common Man..2

The common man is confused… completely!!

He couldn’t comprehend the power of the press, the mouthpiece of public…. Almost overnight, all the pot-holes adorning Delhi streets, vanished, replaced by smooth tarmac like surfaces.. Wow!!! Surely, with all that bashing the government (albeit, the organizing committee of Sri Kalmandi & Co.) got from the public outcry, couldn’t have resulted into this, he wondered… “After all, we are middle class, and what can a middle class common man do to the big and powerful”, he thought…

The middle class in our country has a peculiar character…they are the intelligentsia, the “pada-likha babu” class… they snigger down at the majority of politicians who adorn the highest seats of power in the country, but consider our PM and ex- Home Minister PC as intellectuals … they rub shoulders and tend to equate themselves with the more elite, civil servants or members of the armed forces…So, at the first opportunity, they shoot down the politicians, holler for their blood, but not the bureaucrats (unless they are blatantly exposed in wrong-doings – “but aren’t they pitifully paid for the kind of background they come from and the responsibilities they shoulder?” our common man asks) ..

Take for example, the 26/11 incidence…. The largest city, the icon of our financial status, was held at ransom by a handful of gun-tottering terrorists, while the entire state machinery (barring a handful of the bravest) stood immobilized.. look at these incidences:

1. The Fire Brigade, when called in to evacuate the 6^th floor of the Taj, where the family of the hotel’s GM and, on another floor the entire global top brass of Unilever plc and their Indian bosses were stuck, argued that they had no mandate to rescue people and merely shrugged as they “didn’t have the orders “… orders from whom??  By the time things did clear, all was left were the corpses of the hapless family… mercifully, no harm came on the way of the Unilever Chairman or any of his Directorial Borad members..
2. The Police merely stood at guard, while people were mercilessly getting killed inside. stating they were ill-equipped to tackle such hostage situations and that the army should be called in...
3. The army, when called in, threw a ring around the hotel and made tall claims to the media that had little relevance to truth… they fought over who should have the control and authority, rather than spring into action..
4. Someone called in the Navy’s commandos… but when they arrived, they would not enter the hotel until they had a written request from the state government..
5. The RAW, our prided intelligence wing, had prior intimation of the possibility of such an incidsence happening… in fact, they had intercepts of messages from the sea (from the boat the terrorists were travelling) … but it seems that the vital information got lost under other information flowing in…
6. The hero of the event were, undoubtedly, the little acclaimed NSG, who came out with flying colours from the episode..  

Doesn’t our bureaucracy take “responsibilities”??

Sure, they do…. The aftermath resulted in the intelligentia going after the politiciands and not the bureaucrats/army chiefs …. the CM and Dy CM of the State resigned… so did the Home Minister of the country …. Many heads in the bureaucracy and the armed forces were expected to roll, too… but interestingly, none did .. not a single one !!!

Interesting saga of our bureaucracy and the elitists, isn’t it??? our common man muses, too….