Pyar ka side effects – vol.2

“I can never understand women,” our common man finally came to the conclusion…  “why do they have to say something, while they mean something diametrically opposite?” Ok, may not be exactly opposite (for all those friends of mine, with extremely logical minds and exceptional intellect) , but lets then call it ‘different” for the sake of such people..

For example, when a woman says. “I’m shy,” or, “I don’t know, you are embarrassing me”.. is she meaning what she is saying, literally?  Or there is something hidden and unsaid that one needs to decipher – like : "I cant say that I love you because I am too stubborn, but the fact is that I want you to take me in your arms and  make me feel wanted and needed, and shower me with all your love, because I too, want you"… but Is it perhaps because such women actually find it difficult to say things that concern the heart? Is it because they have grown up like boys, preferring ball game over barbies? Is it because they have been always ‘told’ to take responsibilities, be a ‘support’? Is it too ‘girlish’ for them to utter those 3 magic words, that they are too strong for such softies?? Or, is it that they are afraid to make commitments, as experience have taught them that commitments are meant to be broken, causing extreme pain..

Again on the other hand, it can also be so that the lady actually means what she is saying – that she is indeed shy and feeling embarrassed (since no one has ever told her the way this man is saying now) but, how does our man differentiate between the apparent and the sublime?

There is this other person who would not open her mind and say anything, and all the while leave the man guessing… perhaps she does this because, in her life, the man is of least significance.. she has more important and urgent matters to focus at, matters concerning her life, her career, her likes and dislikes, her child’s future, so on and so forth… she plays multiple roles, a single parent bringing up a girl child, she herself acting as a single child of her widow mother, the sole bread earner, young enough to attract attention of lewd men around, in an alien land, daily struggle for existence...where does our common man fit into this maze? He doesn’t, because he is entangled in his own myriad world, from where there is no escape for him, however hard he yearns to break free.. yet his heart reaches out to her, and breaks into pieces when there is no response…

Human behavior is intense and difficult to understand… the mind is a bundle of emotions and rationality, and which one takes precedence over the other at what point of time, is anyone’s guess.. actually, when the heart yearns, the head shrieks in protest, getting into a conflict situation…and people like our poor common man gets confused… he doesn’t understand whether to approach, or stay away ..

Ladies, do you understand what difficulties you are creating for our man? As it is, he is a confused Libran, and such situations make him go really haywire… his balance goes oscillating.. have mercy on the poor soul, if you can !!

Feelings..9.. Power...

Diwali !!

The festival of the lamps.. lights, illumination, crackers, sweets, gifts and the general hustle and bustle all around.. people busy purchasing gifts for their loved ones and ferrying them across to reach them.. sons and daughters returning home on vacation to be with family.. friends and relatives getting together to unwind and catch up … there was an air of festivity all around..

Diwali symbolizes the victory Ram over Ravana .. victory of good over evil, holy power dominating over evil power, of right over wrong.. the common man, as usual, spend the whole weekend thinking, while the world around him were having a blast.. 

What is ‘power’? How does one define ‘power’? is it same as ‘authority’, or different? Our man heard over the media that the ‘most powerful’ person in the world was visiting his country over the weekend, and he was curious to know how this person looked like.. to his dismay he found a black, sharp featured common-ish looking person shaking hands with the bigwigs of the country, and the media going ga-ga over him and his even-more plain looking black wife.. “is this the most powerful man? Doesn’t look like,” he mused…..

Is knowledge ‘power’? do we call a knowledgeable person ‘powerful’?   Does possessing information about someone make one more powerful than the other person??

Does love make someone weak or strong? Now this is a tricky one.. our common man loves someone, but the thought doesn’t make him strong.. rather, he goes weak when he thinks about his lady love … his knees kind of turn jelly-ish and there’s lump in his throat… on the contrary, his lady love probably gains in strength with the knowledge that the poor bloke is all over the place in his love for her, and therefore she can take him for granted cpmpletely (??)..

We often tend to think that those who are economically stronger, or politically more connected in society, or holding important positions in the government or ministry, are the most powerful.. “No wonder the 1^st citizen of USA is so powerful”, the common man thought… but, that power is only short-lived.. the moment out dear Prez is out of office, he is no more the “most powerful”.. someone else takes over..  look at what happened in US recently – in the recent polls, the Republicans have already completely white-washed Prez Obama, who is just about 2 years in office, already making his comeback a bleak prospect.

That brings us back to square one, i.e., how does one define ‘power’? is it the ability to influence the thought and action of others, or a community, or a country, or maybe the whole world??

The possibilities seem unending..

Feelings..8.. Transition...

Everyone has a reason to write.. for me, as I was telling someone very special to me, writing is a vent- out of my emotions… it helps me to stabilize when under emotional stress.. and I write, perhaps, when I am most stressed …. I am happy to have a small audience that reads my postings now and then… after all, why write at all if its not read, appreciated, or criticized, or just dumped as “utter nonsense”?

The latest is my friend, Mac (obviously not his real name.. and anyways, who cares? A name is a name, is a name, after all), who prefers to call himself “Hues of Life” … J isn’t the name very poetic? Well, Mac himself is very poetic, an ardent blogger like me and weaves poetry and dreams around with his words… now he, being a poet, differs to call me a “common man”.. he thinks I’m special, very special.. well well, Mac buddy, thanks a ton for such a face-lift for the poor old (or, middle aged?) common man…. It sure is a compliment… (Hey everyone, just to keep the records straight, we are not playing here the Dostana roles, me and Mac, OK? )J we are just buddies in this virtual world, willing to help each other in their common interest of writing and blogging..

Anyways, this Mac guy has been advising that I change my image from being “a common man” to “a special man”… now, what does that take?? The common man is mighty confused (what’s new in that? He’s always in a state of confusion, our man)..

But, what are the traits of a special person? Who would someone call “a special person”? Would one call Abdul Kalam or Tagore a special person? Or, even more pertinent, does one necessarily have to be a celebrity to be someone ‘special”? What are the criteria?

What perhaps sets the icons apart from our common men are, perhaps, a dream and conviction to fructify it.. so it calls for raw courage to see the dream materialize.. we all have dreams, but how many of us have the conviction in it and the courage to see it through?

But of course, Mac was not referring to all this… like all poets, he was referring to romanticism of life and the joy and happiness surrounding it… now that is all very well, but romanticism cannot lose touch with reality.. and that’s where our common man’s perspective of looking at life in general and society in particular, differs from poet Mac.. life is not all bed of roses, not always.. and besides, roses have thorns too..

Does our common man stink of morbidity?? Does he always look at life, with all its ‘hues’, through the lenses of cynicism?

When I asked the common man what he thinks about the issue, he tried to answer honestly by saying that his perspectives are his own emotions, sentiments, beliefs etc all of which gets molded/impacted every day by the external stimuli called environment….. the environment throws challenges (psychological as well as physiological) at him every day, and he tries to cope up with the same… at times he cannot remain rational too (particularly when there are issues pertaining to his lady love), he gets emotionally upset and personal..

That seems to be a fair way of looking at things..  so long as our common man operates from the adult state of “I’m OK, you ‘re OK”, things are fine… I leave it to the reader to decide whether our common man needs a face-lift ..   

Feelings..7.. Happiness

We are all human beings… rather, we are homo sapiens, “the wise man”… so the common man is also a homo sapien, Q.E.D. (what a joke!! he, a wise man???) and a wise man is supposed to be a thinker, right? So our common, “wise” man was thinking… he was thinking what he overheard two persons talking in the crowded Metro the other day – one was strongly advocating the intrinsic benefits of a 3G handset over other, normal hand-held sets and the sheer pleasure of owning and using one, while the other listened intently..

We, as a race, are quite pleasure seeking… and we have so many things that give us pleasure these days – good food and drinks, so many channels on the TV, fashionable clothes, swanky cars, nice fragrances, new models of FMCG products, wonderful looking people of both sexes, some words of appreciation from someone whom we value… all of these are there to please our senses..  Yet, when it comes to the matter of being happy, we are not happy…

Sometime back, our man was reading a book titled “The road less travelled” and came across an interesting concept of gratification, instant as well as delayed..And this is where, perhaps, pleasure differs from happiness…

All those lovely things around us described above, is to give us pleasure.. mostly, immediate pleasure or instant gratification. We crave for happiness and, in its pursuit, end up seeking pleasure.. the source of such pleasures are always external to us – i.e. our environment, which has a huge impact on our state of mind and, as we seek more and more pleasure, we tend to become more and more dependent on our environment, our immediate surroundings, our circles of influence… and before long, happiness is equated with pleasure, sensory or otherwise..

Delayed gratification, on the other hand, is something which is more internal.. it evokes a deep sense of satisfaction when achieved, spreads a warm feeling from inside.. “its not easy to search for gratification within,” our man mused… but then people say that its not difficult either.. here, we don’t seek immediate pleasure, but the pleasure comes after some time has elapsed and therefore, has a more long lasting effect …

Does the reader also feel that, delving into one’s own self is a difficult proposition?? Are we losing touch with ourselves in our daily struggle to seek instant gratifications, like love, sex, appreciation etc? Are we picking up glass pieces thinking them to be diamonds, while the precious stone actually lies elsewhere, deep within us? Have we lost our soul?

What are we? What am I ??? Do we ever stop, ponder, try to seek an answer??? Or leave it to the tide, as it flows.. “chalta hai”….

Feelings...6 .. Parenthood..

Our common man has a very inquisitive mind.. something or the other always seems to float thru his restless brains and he isn’t at peace till he finds a plausible answer to them..

The latest to haunt him is a subject called ‘parenthood’, or more specifically, ‘fatherhood’… did I mention that our man is married with a girl child? Now, it’s of course a different subject that he is not close to his family and that there seems to be a Chinese wall built between him and the mother-daughter duo.. but the fact is, he feels emotionally disturbed about being not-such-a-good father, after all..

But, can someone please help me in making him understand that he is not the first bad-father in this world, and certainly not going to be the last one!  In fact, if we look around us, there are enough and more examples of fathers who have been absolutely disastrous  in their parental roles !

Who better can be an example than Gandhiji himself?? Popularly known as the “father of the nation”, he has been a complete stranger to his 1^st born, Harilal Gandhi (who later on became an alcoholic, embraced Islam to provoke his father, again converted back to Hinduism, before finally dying penniless and an alcoholic)… imagine his son saying that he wished M K Gandhi was not his father !!

Or, maybe Nelson Mandela… completely distanced from his first daughter, who was only a child when he went to prison, and a mother herself when he was released… but Nelson and Mack could never come close, and Mack accepted him “the way he is.. distant and aloof”, and made peace with this knowledge..

The point is, even our national (and international) heros have their own achiness’s heels… so, why cant our common man? Can he not take solace from such learnings? Maybe not, because, at the end of the day, its his own flesh and blood that is severed away from him, and it hurts !!

Reasoning cannot rise above emotions, not at least for common mortals…

Thru the lenses of a common man ..3

The common man is perplexed… What is stronger – muscle power or mind power?

As a meek commoner, he always thought that the former is.. He has always been scared of physical violence (he had a violent childhood, you see and the shrink he used to see, told him that the fear of being physically abused has been deeply embedded in his sub-conscious !) Anyways, but there is this equation that he cannot solve..

Remember the failed terrorist attack on the Parilament a few years ago??  The government of India put it squarely on terrorist outfits like LeT who enjoyed direct patronage of our neighboring country’s militia and state. Pakistan, as predicted, denied strongly (well, what better can you expect from them gutless, spineless creeps??)

The Indian government, in a show of power, moved thousands of troops to the borders… Pak did likewise, and the military build-up across the western border threatened both the countries with an imminent war.. but while India fretted and howled, Pak did not bat an eyelid !!!                                                                                      With passage of time, the buildup remained a status quo, and the media, too, lost interest as more pressing news at home took precedence.

But the 26/11 changed the complexion completely… the world waited with baited breadth that India would retaliate with all its muscle power, and Pakistan did anticipate a strong military lash-back and hurriedly started making frantic preparations…

But strangely, nothing happened!! Not a single soldier moved, not a single leaf stirred… there was no show of strength, no threat of war.. but the Indian PM and his senior ministerial colleagues came down heavily on Pak at every international platform and confronted them with facts about their government machinery’s (aka ISI) involvement … irrefutable !! Pak, as anticipated, squimed and struggled when tightly cornered, but finally admitted that yes, there were involvements of LeT & ISI and promised the international community that they will take suitable action against the guilty..

Our common man was mighty impressed… Without batting an eyelid, India had managed to achieve what it could not since independence, that is, to bring Pak to its knees before an international audience… the credibility of India as the largest democracy went up many-folds..

Hats off, Dr. Manmohan Singh, and your band of colleagues…  Jai Ho !!

Thru the lenses of a Common Man..2

The common man is confused… completely!!

He couldn’t comprehend the power of the press, the mouthpiece of public…. Almost overnight, all the pot-holes adorning Delhi streets, vanished, replaced by smooth tarmac like surfaces.. Wow!!! Surely, with all that bashing the government (albeit, the organizing committee of Sri Kalmandi & Co.) got from the public outcry, couldn’t have resulted into this, he wondered… “After all, we are middle class, and what can a middle class common man do to the big and powerful”, he thought…

The middle class in our country has a peculiar character…they are the intelligentsia, the “pada-likha babu” class… they snigger down at the majority of politicians who adorn the highest seats of power in the country, but consider our PM and ex- Home Minister PC as intellectuals … they rub shoulders and tend to equate themselves with the more elite, civil servants or members of the armed forces…So, at the first opportunity, they shoot down the politicians, holler for their blood, but not the bureaucrats (unless they are blatantly exposed in wrong-doings – “but aren’t they pitifully paid for the kind of background they come from and the responsibilities they shoulder?” our common man asks) ..

Take for example, the 26/11 incidence…. The largest city, the icon of our financial status, was held at ransom by a handful of gun-tottering terrorists, while the entire state machinery (barring a handful of the bravest) stood immobilized.. look at these incidences:

1. The Fire Brigade, when called in to evacuate the 6^th floor of the Taj, where the family of the hotel’s GM and, on another floor the entire global top brass of Unilever plc and their Indian bosses were stuck, argued that they had no mandate to rescue people and merely shrugged as they “didn’t have the orders “… orders from whom??  By the time things did clear, all was left were the corpses of the hapless family… mercifully, no harm came on the way of the Unilever Chairman or any of his Directorial Borad members..
2. The Police merely stood at guard, while people were mercilessly getting killed inside. stating they were ill-equipped to tackle such hostage situations and that the army should be called in...
3. The army, when called in, threw a ring around the hotel and made tall claims to the media that had little relevance to truth… they fought over who should have the control and authority, rather than spring into action..
4. Someone called in the Navy’s commandos… but when they arrived, they would not enter the hotel until they had a written request from the state government..
5. The RAW, our prided intelligence wing, had prior intimation of the possibility of such an incidsence happening… in fact, they had intercepts of messages from the sea (from the boat the terrorists were travelling) … but it seems that the vital information got lost under other information flowing in…
6. The hero of the event were, undoubtedly, the little acclaimed NSG, who came out with flying colours from the episode..  

Doesn’t our bureaucracy take “responsibilities”??

Sure, they do…. The aftermath resulted in the intelligentia going after the politiciands and not the bureaucrats/army chiefs …. the CM and Dy CM of the State resigned… so did the Home Minister of the country …. Many heads in the bureaucracy and the armed forces were expected to roll, too… but interestingly, none did .. not a single one !!!

Interesting saga of our bureaucracy and the elitists, isn’t it??? our common man muses, too….

Feelings...5 .. through the lense of a common man...

All along we have been talking of the common man's feelings... of him being in love, dilemmas that he undergoes, his insecurities, etc etc...

But then, he lives in a society and has to face other challenges in life too... (we all do, so whats great about him in particular?) well, he doesnt understand the stock market and the impact of sensex moving up, nor does he realises that how the upwardly moving bullion prices affect his life, but he does understand that when potato and onion costs Rs 30/- per kilo, it pinches his pockets .... and he wonders what has gone wrong !! His employers did not raise his salary last year, citing recession as the reason, but prices are going up.. yet the government is shouting that the consumer price indexes (both weekly wholesale as well as the overall) do not reflect any surges...poor chap, he is an utterly confused state !! whom does he believe, the politicians running the government, or the reality that he is facing when he buys potatoes and onions !

Staying in a place called Delhi, and with the CWG happening, he was expecting even more chaos !! Poor guy ! The roads were dug up till the last day, there was muck all over, traffic snarls making life miserable, were so very natural for our man... "This is life", he accepted, and wondered what the voice of the media can do when he reads his morning newspaper with his first (and sadly these days, his last cup !! he cant afford more, you see)... "whats the point in writing and highlighting all these issues in the papers when nothing is going to happen?" he mused.... after all, who is going to listen to the voice of the common men like him? 

Interestingly, and surprisingly, as the CWG progresses and draws towards the end, he realises that reaching office from home, and vice versa, was, after all, not such a difficult thing during those days.. in fact, traffic was smoother than what it used to be on normal days... he  suddenly realises the power of the media, the voice of the multitude...

His mind floats back to the 26/11 days ... those 3 fateful days when the largest city of the country were held at ransom by a fistful of scums, while the entire nation fidgeted and floated, as indecisive as ever... and he compares what happened a few years earlier during the attack on parliament...

we shall look at his perspective and his take on these incidences in my next post.... till then, chiao...

Feelings...4

A friend reading my posts have commented that, perhaps, the common man has spoiled everything by saying "I love you"..... the lady in question was also a "common woman", and she was attracted by his voice, his intellect, et al... and the love that could have grown slowly, was killed at roots when he uttered those magical 3 words... possible?? But, had he not said those words at all, do you think his lady-love would have responded the way she did?

"Love" is mystifying, isnt it? Sometimes one feels it is palpably there in the air, and at other times, it is just not ... but, what is it, in reality? Is it some strong bond connecting two individuals, or is it some kind of compassion one feels for the other, or is it something that needs to be just felt and be happy about and not being able to express? What is it, my learned friends?

The common man's dilemma supposedly seems simple enough... he is madly in love with this lady and dreams of her in his 24-hour routine.. she does not leave his mind, not even for a second... it seems some kind of obsession thats eating into him day and night... there's some kind of a madness woven around the whole thing.... he knows that he hasn't been, and will never be able to, in such deep love for any woman in his life...

The question he asks himself often... (and its my question to you, too, dear reader) Is this love, or possessiveness? or the sheer fright of losing someone / something very close and dear to his heart?

Does rationality play any role while dealing with "feelings"? For example, while he rationalises that even though he may love her, it is not necessary that she will also love her equally fanatically.. also, she has her life, her thought process is different, and it is quite possible that she may have come across someone who is far more appealing to her (for whatever reasons)..... if this is what he rationalises, why cant he accept the same at the "feelings" level????  While we human beings tend to become very objective and rational while we are distanced from the problem (when it is not "our" problem, that is.. it is someone else's problem), the same 'we' get extremely personal and emotional when the issue affects our lives?

Does "mind" rule over the "heart", or vice versa? What is more important, mind or heart? Now, this is not the Hegelian/Marxian option of mind over matter, its mind vs heart, rationality vs emotions.....

I leave you here, my dear reader, with this question....

"The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind..
The answer is blowing in the wind"... (Bob Dylan)

Feelings...3

We were on the subject of "Pyar ka side effects"...

Lets look at this.... this hero of ours (the common man, the typical Mera Naam Joker) had told his lady love an innocent, 'white' lie... well, its like this.. every morning he is the habit of sendling a lovey-dovey "good morning" message to his lady (cho chweet, isnt it? a picture-perfect situation) .. this particular day, he sent it a little late, and bang came back a sharp retort about being soooo late (he is a slave of time, too, besides being that of love, the circumstances and, of course, his fiancee !!!) Our man, in his queerest common sensical ways, tried to joke and pacify her by saying that he actually had sent the message in time, but in this world of technogy, the msg seems to have reached her late ! Little did his common sense allow him to realise that the human innovation called "cell phone" actually records the despatch time (if not anything else) , and not the receipt time !!! Bang came back an even sharper retort (expected, isnt it?)....  by this time, there was this small little buggy thing called "conscience" biting into his mind..."why did I have to lie to her on such a small matter?" he thought..... the little bug started becoming larger and larger as the clock ticked by, and he grew even more restless.... and finally, when he got an opportunity to speak to her, he confessed that he had told her a lie and he was extremely sorry for that... (thank God he had the guts to own up at least ! But dont you think our common man has very little common sense?)

The point that emanates, however, is different... he felt miserable telling a lie ... now, how did the lady feel when she saw through the lie? Did she feel angry that he had to lie on such a petty matter? Or, was there a feeling of one-upmanship that "heyy, look, i have caught you lying?" .... what can it be? Can anyone guess?

Lets complicate the situation a little more (after all, we are talking about 'side effects', arent we?)... how would it be when our hero suspects that his lady love has told him a lie, too? how should he feel? let down? disappointed? angry?

Lets not forget that he's a very common mortal, with everything to lose and very little to gain (the reverse of the marxist theory, can you see?) ... it emanates from a deep sense of insecurity, of the fear of losing whatever little is in his possession...

what does the reader think??

Feelings ..2

So, what was I talking about? A common man's feelings? Yeah.. that right... the right to fall in love..

Well, nothing can now be done about it, now that he has ACTUALLY fallen in love... all the powers in the society cant stop THAT feeling of love, can they? So, it is fate accompli that he's now in love...

Now, while love is a heady feeling (all of you who have experienced it, would agree with me that its indeed a heady feeling), it has its side effects (Love ki side effects !!!) .... and that is, to fall MORE madly in love.... hopelessly entangled in love, one may say ... (well, dont bring Paul the Octopus in here as soon as you hear about entanglement... leave him to predict football matches only !!)...

So, our common man was hopelessly entangled in love... well, he has a right to be entangled, doesn't he? well, as he lay entangled in his lady love's arms, he realises that he is more and more into love with this wonderful species called "woman" ... (not generic, but specific to THAT woman, of course!)

But then, the obvious question is, what about some more side effects??? We Indians love anything that adds spice, isnt it??? Even in simple potato chips (dont believe me? Just look around all the potato-chips brands and look at the Twangy Tomatos and spicy masalas and..... ), not to mention the spicy Chicken Tikkas and Kebabs... woops ! even the veggies are not spared.. ask the lady love of our common man and she'll tell you.... Ohhhhhh, btw, I didn't tell you, na, that she was a complete veggie?? well, more of her later, lets look at the spicy side effects on our poor common man...

Now, he is in real, hopeless situation.. he's in love and cant dream of anything else except his lady.... morning, afternoon, evening, night.... she comes in his dreams, and goes away to her far-off land  as soon as wakes up in the morning...  

Can someone help him to get out of this morning sickness??? :)

Feelings...

Does a common man feel? does it pain when he is hurt? or bleeds?

No one knows, excepting him... no one bothers, in fact... and, why should they?? Life is a struggle, and everyone is in a rat race...

Take for example, when this common man fell in love... well, dont laugh.. he actually did ... head over heels... witha complete stranger whom he has never met.. only talked over phone... and that too for about a couple of weeks...

But then, like a sentimental, emotional fool that he is (all common men are emotionally disturbed, you see) , he fell in love and went a step ahead to propose to her even !!! (Look at the cheeky guy ! How dare he, a common man !)

And, as fate would lead him, he actually met this woman of his dreams... she was even better than what he had dreamed about.... wow ! He couldnt believe his eyes, when she walked past him, pulling a small travel bag behind her..... Red in colour? I mean, the bag's colour, dumb head !!!

So our Common Man was delighted !! The question is, does he have a right to be delighted? after all, he is a common man....

What he did thereafter with his lady love, is of course, anybody's guess...........

A starter's dilemma....

Hii folks.. Just now created my blog-site and trying my hands at it...

As usual, there's butterflies in the stomach... kya karu isko leke? what am i supposed to do with a blog site? what am i supposed to put sdown here? anyone out there to help a "common man"?

A common man... thts me... no name, no identity at large.,.. just a faceless one in the multitude..

what does he think? Feel? does anyone give a damn??

after all, a "common man".. no name, no creed, no pedegree (well almost dog-like).. :) but then, even a dog has a name, a pedegree.. and if it is lucky, is escorted to a dog show even :)

Well well... lets hear from the common man himself, what he has to say.... about himself, of course...